They say it takes at least 2 to 4 years for a blended family
to feel united. It took our family at
least that long or longer.
But when Jimmy and Jerry, the twins, were 16, eight years
after we were married, and Amy was 18, Dave decided that he wanted to adopt all
the children. Since their biological
father had chosen not to be an active parent for several years, that was not a
problem. What was a complication was
that Jim was not sure if he wanted to be adopted by Dave. He still felt some loyalty to his biological
dad, plus we had gone through some rough times together as a family. So we left it up to Jim whether he chose to
be adopted or not. He finally made his
decision the day we went to court. His
answer was no.
Four years later, Jim came to me and said that he had given
a lot of thought to how much Dave had given him and us as a family. In spite of numerous conflicts, he gave them
a stable home, was an excellent cook, and was there for them through thick and
thin. With all the struggles we went
through, it would have been easy for Dave to leave us all. But he didn’t.
Jim decided that for Dave’s Christmas present, he wanted to
be adopted. Keeping our secret, I hired
a paralegal to draw up the papers. On
Christmas Eve, after all the other presents had been opened, Jim presented
Dave, his dad, the rolled up adoption papers, wrapped in festive paper with a
bow. He also gave him a special pen that
he had bought for the signing of these papers.
With tears glistening in his eyes, Dave took the pen and signed the
papers.
Are blended families difficult? Ours sure was. But looking back, I wouldn’t have done it any
other way.
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